There is a Hasidic parable about the power of thankfulness and gratitude:
Once two poor farmers were walking down a country road, when they met a Hasidic Rabbi. He asked the first man how things were.
"Lousy!" he grumbled, bemoaning his lot and lack, "Terrible, hard, awful; not worth getting out of bed for. Life is lousy."
Now the Lord God was eavesdropping on this conversation, and the Lord said:
"You think your life is lousy now, you ungrateful lout. I'll show you what lousy is!"
Then the Rabbi turned to the second man, "And you my friend?"
"Ah, Rabbi-life is good. God is so gracious, so generous. Each morning when I awaken, I'm so grateful for the gift of another day, for I know, rain or shine, it will unfold in wonder and blessings too bountiful to count. Life is so good."
God smiled as the second man's Thanksgiving soared upwards until it became one with the harmony of the heavenly hosts.
Then the Almighty roared with delighted laughter: "Good? You think your life is good now? I'll show you what good is!"
WHICH OF THESE TWO GENTLEMEN WOULD YOU CHOOSE TO IDENTIFY WITH?
(Could the following be thoughts that roam through your mind?)
"What do I have to be thankful for? My lover is gone. I'm alone and lonely. Nothing is the same. My 'friends' do not seem to really care besides I'm just a 3rd thumb now. They are all married, dating or they have their own life to live. Regardless of how caring they sound, I just do not fit into the social puzzle anymore.
Where do I fit in? Being single and free is not what I thought it would be. Instead of less responsibility, there is more. Instead of freedom, it feels like a wall of bricks has fallen on me.
Where do I start moving this burden off of me? Can I?
The loneliness is sometimes unbearable even in a crowd. It feels like a part of me has been chopped off. I'm no longer whole. I feel so helpless, so useless."....
Sound familiar?
Celebrations such as Thanksgiving and Christmas can be a source of loneliness, bring memories of what used to be and make it just another day to get through. Ignoring the meaning of the day, just pretending to wonder what all the hype is about, seems reasonable to some single people.
Becoming single by divorce or due to the death of a spouse, generates changes in attitude, changes in financial, emotional, social and personal conditions. Resentment overtakes gratitude. Some changes are not always easy and it certainly does not seem to be a time to feel thankful. So, why should a day like Thanksgiving or Christmas evoke feelings of thankfulness and gratitude?
Finding gratitude in the midst of a sense of loss
It takes courage to be thankful in the midst of lack and suffering, but where does one begin? How does one find gratitude in the middle of anger, loneliness and fear?
Find the "little things "to appreciate
Gratitude is paying attention and being joyful for "the little things," even when you are alone or... because, you are alone.
Gratitude is choosing to look for the "upside" of your pain. It may surprise you, when you discover you can get past the downside.
Try little steps: making a list of some of the good things in your life may help.
Be grateful and say "Thank you" for:
1. Your children of divorce, (if you have them) who have been through almost as much pain as have you, during this trying time, and yet they still love.
2. The smell of roses or a fresh Christmas tree or golden, red and brown autumn leaves that crunch beneath your feet.
3. The smile of a stranger (a smile recognizes you as an individual, a person, special, if only for a minute.)
4. The joy you see in the eyes of a person you just did an unexpected favor for.
5. Your home, when you shut the door to intense heat or the burdensome cold of the outside world.
6. Leftovers or that pre-cooked dinner, so you did not have to cook when you came home from work, totally exhausted
7. Your cat or dog that will always be happy to see you, even if friends fail you.
8. The welcoming comfort of your bed at night or a warm shower.
9. The peace of quiet time, alone. (Sometimes that time is found only in the bathroom.) Make a rule that when Mom/Dad is in the bathroom, no one knocks on the door unless it is a bonefide emergency! Demand it!
10. The quiet of the night and if you really listen, you can feel the presence of God in the darkened room...waiting, just waiting for you to tell Him all of your pain, your longings, your hopes and dreams. He wants to hear you say, "Thank You for my day, good, bad and in-between."
Time alone gives you focus, teaches you that there can be joy in the quiet. When God's Presence slips in, His comfort helps you to gradually realize that you are blessed! It is up to you to recognize your true blessings and say "Thank You!"
You may be the poorest person alive, but there are many blessings for which to say "Thank You.” Just spend a little time alone in prayerful thoughts.
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