By Patricia Hubbard
Because writers can become a bit of a hermit in nature, writing, writing, writing, diverting one’s attention to another endeavor can be a life saver. Sitting in front of my computer has caused weight gain, circulation problems and made me an obsessive, determined, goal oriented, grump.
Knowing this, I chose to force myself to find an alternative “hobby.” I chose ceramics. This proved to make me get up and move, pouring slip into the molds, lifting the heavy molds, and cleaning up my messes. That equated to exercise.
I am telling you all this because it leads up to a story about the attack of the vacuum cleaner. I know you are saying what does a vacuum cleaner have to do with my title mentioning abuse? Hang in there, I will explain
Since both of my Instructor’s helpers were ill on this
particular Wednesday, I offered to help her in any way that I could… more
exercise. She asked if I would vacuum
out the three large kilns we would be using shortly. I obliged.
I am five feet two inches tall. The tops of the kilns are about chest level to me, so needless to say, I had to stretch to get the cleaning tool to the bottom of the kiln. I set the small vacuum on the top edge of the kiln which put it at face-level, with me. The job was a little difficult because of my size, but I was managing, until my head bumped against the open lid. Reflex action caused me to jerk my head, resulting in my face banging up against a knob on the vacuum cleaner.
Ouch! My cheekbone screamed in pain.
I managed to finish the job and return to our work area. As I emerged from the kiln room, my Instructor asked, “What’s wrong with your face?” another person asked, “How did you get that bruise on your face?” and another, “Your face is red and there is a big bruise on it.”
This was getting embarrassing. I said, matter-of-factly, “The vacuum did it!”
Wrong answer! I knew they were thinking how could a vacuum bruise one’s face? Was I on the floor? How did a vacuum come in contact with my face?
So the explanations began over and over to my fellow-ceramics buddies. One was giving me a piece of ice in a paper towel and another scurrying to her car for her emergency kit. How mortifying!
This old face has learned its lesson; keep your face clear of a vacuum cleaner, regardless of its size. They bite!
So, what does this little story have to do with abusive relationships?
As the leader of a support group for divorced and separated folks, some of whom emerge from abusive relationships, I had heard my share of spousal abuse stories. My compassion and understanding was renewed for them by my recent experienced with the “abusive” vacuum cleaner.
Surely, an abused person sporting bruises must feel attacked again when someone is trying to show compassion. They either make an excuse to cover for their abuser or in a few cases will tell the truth. Telling the truth brings with it a certain amount of shame that it has happened to them.
Questions continue, “Why are you still with your abuser?” “Did you call the police?” “Why didn’t you?” “You should…”etc.
Then there are the looks that imply “What is wrong with you?” “Are you sick or something?” We humans sometimes, have a tendency to blame the abused person without meaning to, but the damage is already done. When you hear of an abused friend or relative, think of this little story and know that concern can turn to secondary pain. Not what is intended, of course! Listen with compassion and not judgment. Offer support and suggest a way out of a horrendous situation.
If you have been the recipient of abuse, you may be shaking your head, “No one understands the fear, the shame, the feeling that you caused it. An abused person suffers from a loss of self-esteem. Some may actually feel they did deserve that type of treatment. That is what abusers do; they manage to train their victim to believe they, themselves, are the cause of the abuse.
Sporting bruises stir up emotions that most of us never understand.
If you are the recipient of abuse do not suffer any longer. Seek the help of an abuse support group, a family doctor, or spiritual advisor. Leaving an abuser must be done with a plan, and utmost privacy or the abuser may become enraged and do more damage
For information and support, call:
National Abuse Hotline at: 1-888-289-2102
Virginia state number at 1-804-694-5890
Local number at 1-800-969-4673
Learn more on how to remove yourself from the dangerous situation of spousal abuse.
Check out this site for more ideas of how to get away from your abuser.
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